Typically, when I start to think about my next blog post, I kind of plan it out in my head prior to getting on here and writing it all down. It always seem I run into a few different conversations, articles, sermons, etc that solidify my desire to write about a certain topic. This blog was no exception….
Mommas, I love me a checklist. Usually I start my day by getting out my calendar and writing down what it is that I need to accomplish for the day. Then I make physical squares next to the task so that when I get it done, I can place a checkmark next to it. And let me tell you, there is something about making that check mark, or even better yet, getting to the end of the day and looking at that list with all the checkmarks behind it. Can I get an Amen ?!
It’s no secret, then, that this is my number one love language: Acts of Service. For my husband, Jason, I feel his love most when he is happy and willing to help me. Help me with dinner, help me with the kids, help me with chores… Just. Help. Me.
This, inadvertently, bleeds into my parenting. Not only do I want to instill in my kids to “do”; for example, pick up our toys, take dishes to the sink when we’re done eating, put our dirty clothes in the hamper, etc, I’m also pretty in tune to what they’re “doing”. And as their momma, I want to help them do it well. But what happens when they aren’t doing it “well” ? (or really, let’s be honest, just not doing it the way mommy would do it). I feel like I’m constantly correcting them, and although that’s part of being a parent, the last couple weeks I felt like I had to subconsciously tell myself, “Brittney, chill. It’s ok. It’s not that big of a deal.” Of course I want to help mold my children, but I don’t want to feel like I’m not allowing them to be who they are. I read an article once that talked about how the expectation of parents should be “to provide a safe environment for our children to become who it is that they want to be.” That’s it. That’s our job. However, me being.. well, me, I would add: “….while encouraging them to be the best version of who they want to be.” (Come on, this momma needs some control).
In addition to the above thoughts, I was, I think unbeknownst to her, counseled by a Christian woman a couple of weeks ago, that I really look up to. I was venting a bit about how difficult of a week I was having (my 6-year-old has sass for daysssss). She encouraged me saying the following (paraphrased): “Brittney, the fact that you’re even worried about your impact on your daughter speaks volumes about who you are as a mom.” And this is especially what hit me: “Knowing who you are, knowing the Christian woman that you are, just being who you are is going to rub off on her and do good things for your daughter.” Whoooaaaaaa ! It shouldn’t be missed either, then, that the opposite must be true. Mommas, our babies are watching us. How we react, how we respond, how we handle ourselves, where we put our efforts, how we spend our free time, etc. So who is it that my daughter (and son) is watching ? Who am I being ? It’s really more about who I’m being than what I’m doing. It’s not about that to-do list. Darnit.
This has been a really good reflection point for me. Do I want my kids watching and remembering me cleaning our toilets or watching and remembering me reading my Bible and/or praying for our loved ones? The answer is clear. The reality is, though, the toilets need to get cleaned too. The classic, “If I don’t do it, who will?”, right ? This is where I struggle sometimes. I guess my answer to that would be, do it with a humble heart. Do it with kindness and a lightness in your heart. Then the hope would be that when our kiddos grow up, they will incorporate prayer and spending time in His word into their day, all while tackling their tasks with grace, humility, and kindness (and if they’re my kids, they’ll probably have really clean toilets too).
As always, this last Sunday’s church service spoke directly to what was on my heart. We had a guest speaker, whom was phenomenal, and she said, “Show me your planner and I’ll show you your priorities.” Eek. Guilty. It was that statement that helped me realize that God doesn’t get upset that I like a good checklist, He just wants to make sure that I’m being intentional with what’s on my checklist. And ultimately, He wants my checklist to include Him. Time spent with Him in prayer, time spent reading His word, time spent praising Him. I think these things will provide the perfect foundation to be exactly who i want to be.
Mommas, who are you being ? Who in your life is going to be better off just by watching you be ? My prayers lately have been asking God to show me that person. Show me and then remind me of who it is that I want to be. If I could, I’d encourage you to add that to your prayers too.
As always, don’t be too hard on yourself. If you find yourself being someone that you don’t want to be, bring that to your maker too, I promise He can help.
May you find blessings along the way.
Until next time…
Your,
(Reflecting) Christian Momma