I've had lots of people check in on me lately and see how I'm doing (which is so kind and appreciated), so I thought it would be fun to also just post about our journey thus far with this pregnancy; an opportunity for my readers to enjoy some light reading.
As you many know from previous posts, this baby has been on our hearts for a long time. We traversed a path that was difficult for us, however, we continued to wait expectedly on God for our time to add to our family. My husband and I truly felt in our hearts that we would be blessed with more children, we just didn't know when. We were waiting on God's time. We knew He had a plan; it was our job to trust in it.
So, although some may think it's crazy, I was quite shocked when I finally saw a long-awaited "positive" on the end of that plastic little stick. I actually had an appointment to have Lasik Eye Surgery on a Thursday. The previous Monday, though, I was about two days late which wasn't too uncommon for me. If you consider yourself a momma that's "TTC" (trying to conceive), every hour that you're late must mean you're pregnant. Also every pregnancy symptom, that's also very inconveniently a PMS symptom, also must mean you're pregnant. However, I had been burned too many times in the months prior that I stopped getting excited and looking into these symptoms. In the months prior, they'd just left me disappointed. So this particular Monday I wasn't thinking much of the few "symptoms" that I was experiencing. However, I had to do a bit of rearranging of mine and my kiddos' schedules to make my Lasik Surgery work for that following Thursday and thought if I did all this rearranging of schedules and for some reason actually was pregnant and therefore couldn't attend my surgery, that would be super annoying. "I may as well just double check and rule out the possibility of me being pregnant." I went and picked up my son from preschool and headed to the local Walgreens to spend more money on another pregnancy test. I got home and told myself if by some miracle my test was positive, I wasn't going to bother my husband at work, I'd just wait until he got home to share the news. Yeah, right.
There I was, waiting and waiting on this little screen to tell me for the umpteenth time that I'm not pregnant. However, as you could easily guess, that wasn't the case. I was so. shocked. I kept blinking and blinking while my eyes kept telling me that I really was seeing a plus sign. Then the tears came and I found myself trying to blink those away so that I could continue to see that little plus sign. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. I was flooded with so much excitement, but also fear. I had seen a positive sign before that didn't result in what I had hoped for 9 months later. I immediately FaceTime'd my husband (because remember I was going to wait). He answered, saw that I was bawling, and the first thing he says is, "Oh my gosh. I'm coming home. What's wrong?" I could barely get out the words to tell him not to come home, I'm fine, and then held up the positive test. His response was, "you're pregnant ?!". I'm sure you can imagine the words and various emotions that were exchanged. It's such a precious time when I reflect back on it. I chatted with a couple of my closest girlfriends that day as well as my momma to share the exciting, yet nerve-wracking news.
The next few weeks were spent on edge. I was guarded with how excited I allowed myself to become. I continued to pray for our poppyseed-sized baby to be safe and healthy. By about week 7, my constant, debilitating nausea was a good reminder that I was, indeed, still pregnant. It was the worst, (did I mention the worst ?) way of being reminded that I had this perfect little peanut growing inside of me, yet I was so grateful. I had to give myself all sorts of grace, while asking the same of those around me, as I missed meetings; playtime with my kids; adult engagements; meals; appointments; and the list goes on, as I found myself spending yet another day on the couch. I was approaching week 17, thinking that the light at the end of the tunnel must be near, when our entire house was hit with Covid. Yikes. I spent a lot of time in prayer those next 15-ish days. I asked for protection, healing, relief, peace, understanding, you name it. It was a scary time, especially being pregnant, and I'm so thankful that all of us are now healthy and well.
Fastforward... I'm now just shy of 30 weeks along with a very active little baby and I really can't complain, though I do - this heartburn though ! In all seriousness, I feel so blessed to have the opportunity to welcome another sweet baby into our family. I'm utterly obsessed with my children and am eager to add this mystery baby to the obsession. "Mystery" because we don't know if we're having a boy or a girl and have no idea what we should name this sweet little peanut. We're looking forward to the surprises that are yet to come !
I don't want to fail to mention that if you're still in the midst of your journey to add a sweet baby to your family, I see you, momma. My heart absolutely aches for you. Truly, truly. And though I'm sure no two journeys are the same, I feel that at least a part of my journey was to be able to, even in a small way, empathize with other mommas on their journey. It hurts. It's so hard. So discouraging, confusing, unfair. And I wouldn't wish it for anyone. No matter how your story unfolds, I know that God loves each of us and has a beautiful plan to show us that perfect and unfailing love. I'm sending hugs and so much love.
I hope this finds you well. As always, thanks for reading along.
Until next time...
Your,
(29 weeks and counting, pregnant) Christian Momma