You’re the cat’s meow..

I have been feeling so empowered since my first post. I had various friends and family reach out to me via phone and/or social media with encouraging thoughts that made me feel so validated in this leap of faith and potential calling, something I haven’t felt in so long.

For the past, almost ten years, I‘ve struggled to “find my calling”. Leaving high school, I swore I wanted to be an Elementary Teacher. My love for both tutorship and children had me convinced that this was “my thing”. So when asked the infamous, “What do you wanna do for the rest of your life?”, the answer was easy, “I wanna be a teacher.” I even remember telling those closest to me, “If I decide that I don’t want to be a teacher, I literally have no idea what it is that I want to do.” So, of course, it happened. Not too far into the second semester of my freshman year of college, I started to question my aspiration to be a teacher. I put the idea on hold and decided not to get too antsy, just continue to trek through my general courses. I entertained various careers from dental hygiene to radiology techs to nursing, none of them really sparking anything in me. However, I come from a huge background of nurses. My mom, whom I look up to in most everything she does, is a nurse and eventually moved into a managerial role at our local University Hospital. I thought I’d give it a go. I worked on getting my certification as a Nursing Assistant and landed my first job working at the local Children’s Hospital. I truly loved it and thought I was finally moving in the right direction and getting the answers I had longed for and prayed for for a long time.

In September of 2016, I started my first semester of Nursing School; and oh my goodness, I was miserable. Now, I was warned that Nursing School starts out with a bit of a “tasing period” to see how dedicated their students are - “how bad do you want to be a nurse?”. Ick. It was awful. I lost 10 pounds the first week; my anxiety got the best of me, which landed me in my doctor’s office, crying, begging for some sort of intervention; and I could barely take care of myself because I spent all my time either being at school, doing homework, or thinking about how miserable school was making me. I was about two and a half weeks in (feeling more like 2.5 years) and I was driving down the interstate, in the pouring rain, on my way home from school. Out loud I said, ”Ok, God. I need help. I need your guidance. I need an obvious yes or no. Am I doing the right thing ? What direction am I supposed to go in ? Is this sustainable ? If it is, I’m going to need you more than ever, more than I ever thought I would.....” and BOOM ! .. I was hit, in my driver side door by a driver that had hydroplaned from the rain that had accumulated on the road.

Well, it’s been a long road since then (a story for another time), but I guess I got my obvious no. Because I had a neck injury and concussion, I couldn’t drive, which made getting to school, near impossible. I decided it was best to drop out and do some re-evaluating. After all, this was His answer, right ?

Momma’s (or ladies, or whoever is reading), ever since then, it’s been a struggle. I’ve never, for one second, doubted my calling as a momma or wife, but I’ve always doubted whether or not it’s enough.

I work part-time, still in the medical field. I, generally, like what I do. My husband has kindly- over and over (and over) again, reminded me that it is enough- it’s more than enough for our family. It helps us to find the balance between “outside of the home” work and my “other work” - taking care of our home, children, and let’s be honest, even sometimes, him. My husband, so graciously, reminds me of how much I contribute to our family dynamic and that it’s about so much more than a paycheck. He reminds me, quite honestly, of my worth. He is always providing me with the reassurance that I need. And could you believe, that with him telling me that over and over again, that sometimes I still doubt myself ? I feel like society, or even people that are super close to me in my life, has hung this dark cloud over my head to want something more. I feel pressured to be a career women and supermom. I heard a saying lately that really stuck with me, “Women are supposed to maintain careers as if they don’t have children, and raise their children as if they don’t have careers.” Uh huh. Right. I suppose I can only speak for myself, but gosh, that is certainly how it feels sometimes.

I‘ve continued to pray that I will find my “why”, without doubting the plan that He has in store for me and my life. I never want it to seem like what my Heavenly Father has in store for me, isn’t enough. What he has blessed me with, WHO he has blessed me with in this life, is more than enough. It’s so much more than I could have asked for and probably more than I deserve.

A part of me wonders if this blog is the answer, or maybe even a partial answer, to that prayer. I enjoy this; and although it may not pay the bills or be able to serve as a ”career”, it is about so much more than that at this point. It’s about worth. It’s about validation. It’s about exploring and finding my “why”.

Now, when asked the infamous, “What do you wanna do for the rest of your life?”, I’m a little more okay with my answer, which is simply “I don’t know. I haven’t quite figured it out yet.”

Ladies, I pray for your obvious yes or no. I pray that you feel validated in your calling or whatever it is that makes you happy. Don’t let anyone ever tell you that it or you are not enough. You are more than enough. You have a Father in Heaven whom thinks that you are, quite literally, the cat’s meow.

Until next time...

Your,

(Worthy) Christian Momma